The power of saying “No”

We are so conditioned to wanting people to say ‘yes“‘to us, that when someone says ‘yes’ to us, do they really want to say ‘yes’? or are they just saying ‘yes’ to make us go away or leave them alone.

Getting a ‘yes’ from the other person gives us a false sense that they are in agreement with us. However, they can feel we are controlling or manipulating them.

Instead of getting them to say ‘yes’, get the other person to say ‘No’.

Ask them a simple ‘low value question’.

An example might be: “ I bet you didn’t like waiting in the queue for so long?” They will most likely  say ‘No’ to this question.

Or rather than asking someone the question: “Do you have a few minutes to talk?”, or “Is now a good time to talk?’, you could say:

“Is this a bad time to talk?”

When someone says ‘No’ to you, they feel in control, they feel safe, and will be more likely to agree with you, or say yes.

Now you can start to negotiate, or work on de-escalating them, as they are feeling in control; in a position of power.

Paraphrased excerpt from “Never Split the Difference” by Chris Voss with Tahl Raz